Sebbylite

Hmmm, I may have messed up. Then again, I probably didn’t.

I just deleted about 1000 comments that were in moderation because I haven’t been a good and conscientious blogger lately, and have been AWOL from the site. So instead of going through each and every comment like I usually do to find out which ones are actually spam (usually 99.9%), and which ones are real (1 every once in a while), I just deleted them all.

So if you can’t find a comment that you left on the site in the past month, you may need to resubmit it. Sorry. My bad. I’ll do better in the future. Although I may need to implement some sort of captcha monitoring widget so that I don’t have to deal with all this crap anymore. You’ll know it when it happens, because you’ll have to deal with it before you can post. And by you, I mean Frankie, Tall, Hums, and Swamp-Thing, the only people who actually read this blog anymore (if they even do).

And it isn’t like I don’t have stuff to post. I do. I’ve just been busy trying to catch up on sleep instead of posting new material. Again, my bad.

• Bowling.
• Dancing.
• Flirting.
• Giving your boss his/her yearly evaluation.
• Yelling.
• Drinking.
• Texting.
• Most forms of communication.
• Tipping.
• Cow-tipping.

Ok, so first you should watch this video:

Power Thirst.

Next, you should watch this video:

Gay Power Thirst.

And finally, you should watch this video:

Dramatic Chipmunk.

That’s all from me for now.

Ok. I know that I’ve left some things hanging in the moving story, and that is partly because things are still hanging for me as well. No I haven’t gotten my deposit back. Yes, there is only one more day that the landlord has before he legally owes me the deposit. No, I don’t think that he’ll get it to me in time. I’m not sure what our response will be either, but I’ll let you know.

Anyway I did want to add that I love playing basketball as a little intermission. That’s it, that’s all I’ve got.

As you may or may not know (and as you may or may not care), the ultimate frisbee season is in full swing. Which means that I’ve been playing frisbee pretty solid for the past 5 months: practice, track, scrimmages, tournaments, etc. And I’m starting to get a little tired of it.

But today I went down to the gym I used to belong to and played some pickup basketball there. And had a ball. I had forgotten how much I like playing multiple sports at once, just for the simple fact that I don’t get tired of playing them. There is so much variety when you play frisbee and basketball, or frisbee and soccer, or all three. Simply put, it keeps me from getting bored with one sport.

Plus basketball is the first sport that I ever played, and I think it’s still the one that I like the most. I’m probably a better soccer player than I am a basketball player, and I’m definitely a better frisbee player than I am either of the other two, but basketball will always be my first.

I’ll try to post more (are you tired of hearing that yet? I’m tired of saying it. And yes, I’m still looking for that job that allows me to make $80,000/year working 5-6 hours a day from home. If you hear of anything, let me know), but I know that I’m going to be pretty busy in the next few months. Meh.

I’ve told this story so many times that I don’t know who knows what, who doesn’t know what’s going on, and who doesn’t care. So I’ll try to keep it short and to the point.

We made an offer to our landlord asking for half of July’s rent prorated for all the crap we’ve put up with. His return offer was $300, or the equivalent of about 5 days, or he would not pay us anything but let us out of our lease at the end of the month. So whatever way you look at it, the offer is crap. Regardless of whether or not we are staying here for the full lease of getting the fuck out of dodge, he still owes us money. And he owes us a lot more than just 5 days worth. We were out of hot water for 7 days, we spent two days cleaning before we could fully move in because the place was a pit, we had a lot of crap that the former tenants left in our house for over two weeks, and the heater isn’t going to be fixed until August 15th (which isn’t that big of a deal since we won’t use it, but I thought I’d throw it in there for good measure).

So where does that leave us? Well, we’re moving again. A teammate of ours has room in his 4 bedroom house that we’ll take, and live with him and his girlfriend. Then they are moving out in November to a new spot, which means that we’ll have 5/6 people in a house for a month or three, and then only 3 or 4. I don’t know if I’m going to make it through that, let alone my dog. He’s pretty out of sorts as is trying to deal with living with other people.

Plus I’ve had more to drink in the last three weekends than I’ve had in the last three months, and my liver hurts. I had to take today off of work because I was dead tired and getting sick from being exhausted. Which means that I’m totally looking forward to moving again in under two weeks (ps-that was sarcasm, in case you couldn’t tell). Oh, and we’re having a party this weekend, to either trash the place because we don’t have a deposit put down on it, or just because we want to hang out and drink some drinks.

I think I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again: woe is me.

There came a point in my moving experience where I was taking a break, and thinking about all the shit that has happened over the last couple of days, and I didn’t understand why I wasn’t pissed off. I mean, there was definitely plenty of opportunity to get angry at all the different problems that were cropping up, but for some reason I just took it all in stride and kept a pretty even keel during the whole process (which is still going on), or at least as even a keel as I ever have.

Thinking back over it, I guess I would have to say that pretty early on in the moving process I realized that it was going to be the horror move from a bad/great 80’s movie (think Money Pit meets Pet Cemetery). After that point it became useless and self-destructive to become angry, and so I just went with it. To make you fully realize just what I’m talking about, I’ll try to recap the story as best I can (although I know that I’ll have things a little bit out of order):

This was the original plan: old tenants would move out on the 30th (Saturday), we would give the landlord Sunday the 1st to clean and make things ready for us, and then we would meet him on Monday the 2nd at 10am to get keys and start moving in. Sounds pretty simple, right? It should have been.

We showed up Monday at 10am to find that the old tenants had packed up their clothes, and some of their more valuable items, and then just left. No cleaning, no throwing away of food, no moving of extra furniture. Nothing. When we showed up, the landlord was puttering around in one of the bedrooms, vacuuming and dusting, and basically making no impact whatsoever on the cleanliness of the house. After a brief conference between the three of us who are living together, we told him to stop (1-it would have taken him a week or more at the rate he was going to actually clean the house, and 2-that is what getting a deposit is for, to pay for cleaning and damages). After a small discussion, where we offered to clean the house if he gave us the old tenants deposit, a decision was made to hire a cleaning crew for the house. It ended up taking 4 professionals about 10 hours to finish cleaning.

At this point in time, the house is mostly clean. Except for my room, which was evidently used as the neighborhood cat bath-house. And by bath-house, I mean urinal. The carpet was pretty much saturated with old urine (and the gallons of odor-covering-foam that the landlord tried to use to cover the smell). He said that if the smell didn’t go away after the odor stuff dried, he would replace the carpet.

Of course, he forgot to set a time frame on this carpet replacement. And as of Tuesday at noon, he left town for the summer. Which left me high and (not very) dry. And which is also why I spent my Fourth of July (go America!) ripping up carpet, taking out carpet pad soaked with urine, and cleaning the floors underneath. Then, because it still smelled like a port-o-john on a warm day, I drenched it with enzymatic cat-urine killer.

Which almost worked. After letting it sit for 24 hours, it only smelled a little, so I poured on another coating and we’ll see how it smells then.

I’m back. The above was written last Wednesday. It is now Tuesday, and I’m going to continue the story.

Alright, where was I? Oh yeah, the cat piss. It turns out that the urine-off was pretty damn good stuff, and my room doesn’t smell at all anymore, which makes me happy.

Well, almost makes me happy, because we still have no hot water. Did I not mention that? My bad. We haven’t had hot water since last Tuesday. Yeah, as in 7 days ago. Which means I either stink pretty bad during the day, or I go over to friend’s houses and beg the use of their bathroom (which usually works, maybe because I smell so bad they actually want me to shower and are willing to put up with me using their shower to do so).

Ok, to recap: we now have a house that has no hot water, a shit-ton of stuff that isn’t ours stashed in the basement (and various pieces of furniture throughout the rest of the house), pretty much the only reason it is clean is because we have done a large share of the cleaning, and is in general dis-repair otherwise, which we would have been ok with had it been the only thing wrong with the house, but added on top of everything else it is beginning to look like the proverbial straw. Plus our landlord is a liar. He wrote us an email blatantly playing each of us off against each other, saying that one person or another had agreed to each condition that we found unacceptable. Which, when the three of us living here got together and talked it over, we determined to be complete and total BS.
Suffice to say that we are looking into other housing options, although there aren’t that many out there at this time of the month.

Moving sucks ass.

Ok, so that’s three words. That’s how bad it sucks. It took me long enough to write it down and then stare at it for a while before I realized that it actually was three words.

Let’s try again: moving sucksass.

My Master Plan has failed me so far. I was really hoping that if I waited long enough without posting new content, people would stop coming to my blog. Then, after this had gone on for a while, I could slowly shut it down so that I didn’t have to post anymore. It’s not that I don’t like posting, it’s that I don’t like feeling like I have to post.

Unfortunately this hasn’t worked out exactly as envisioned. First of all, since I’ve stopped posting, I’ve gotten more visitors to the site than when I was posting. Why? I’m not really sure. I think it has something to do with search engine’s archiving and indexing my posts more thoroughly, so more searches are finding me. This isn’t exactly the type of readership that I’m looking for, since about 95% of the people that get here leave in the 0-5 second range, but how am I ever supposed to give up being the number one spot on Google for “leading cause of death in beavers”, and the number 2 spot for “retard dog”? (In fact, I really should do more about beavers, just to explore more thoroughly that area…[insert appropriate beaver joke here])
Second of all, I do like having a blog. I like being able to share shit I find on the internet with others. And by others, I mean Tall, Frankie, Pooh, and maybe two or three others. Because honestly, people don’t show up to read the beautiful prose I write, or to revel in the pentameter of my verse (hell, I could hardly even write that, let alone think that of my ramblings). Fuck no. They show up to take a look at what drunken mishaps I’ve been up to, what videos I’ve found online that need to be watched, what games need to be played to waste valuable time and resources at work, and what bad jokes I can tell (What’s invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit farts). So hopefully that is what I will post more of.

So the real reason why I’ve been so lax in my posting is work. It’s a combination of factors really. 1) I’m required to take a one-hour lunch. Yes, even though I finish eating in about 20 minutes, I am supposed to take those extra 40 minutes to myself as “quiet time”. Which means I read a book. 2) I have to commute. And even though it only takes me 20 minutes to get to work in the morning (that is, if I get out the door by 6am), it takes anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour and a half to get home. Basically, when you add all this up, work takes up about 10.5 hours a day. When you add in frisbee practice and tournaments, general chores and household duties (hehe, I said “duties”), hanging out with friends, walking the retard dog, etc, that usually puts blogging somewhere way down on the to-do list. Somewhere a little bit behind cleaning the bathroom and a little in front of taking some Colon-Blow for “shits and giggles”.

Which is sad, because I do have a nice list of topics for blogging. And I do have a few rough drafts that have been sitting in my account waiting to be finished up for about 8 months. So it is definitely not lack of material that is hindering me. *Sigh* Woe is me, woe is me.

…because I am definitely retarded.

Today as I was getting ready for practice, I decided to make myself a PB&J sandwich as a snack to tide me over until dinner.

So I got out the bread and jelly from the fridge and put them on the counter, took out two pieces of bread of bread for the sandwich, re-tied the bread bag and then put it back in the fridge. As I was sitting there with the fridge door open staring at the shelf where the jelly usually sits, I couldn’t believe that I was out of jelly. I didn’t remember using the last of it the last time I made a PB&J, and normally I would have put it right onto my shopping list and gotten more. I searched through the whole fridge - the shelves, the drawers, the hidden pockets in the door, etc, but I couldn’t find it.

Finally I gave up and decided to make a PB&Honey instead. When I closed the fridge door and looked on the counter, there was the jelly staring right back at me.

The worst part, even after I saw it sitting there, I didn’t really have a recollection of taking it out in the first place. Maybe drinking really is bad for me…

What can I say, when I get home from work I take my dog out. Then I eat dinner. Then I sit in my chair and watch TV until it’s time to go to sleep. And repeat. Which leaves little time and less energy in writing a good solid blog post. Plus now that I’ve started to go to the gym again, that leaves even less time.

But since I try to keep my adoring fans pleased (and by adoring fans, I mean all the make-believe people I know), here’s something for ya. I found this game about 6 years ago and then forgot about it, but it is one of the most annoyingly addictive games I’ve ever played. Enjoy.

Curveball.

For whatever reason I can’t post YouTube movies (or any other movies for that matter) to this site. That being said, you’ll just have to take my word that you really want to click on the link below. It will be well worth your time.

Bollywood Does Michael.

That’s right, I just finished watching Benchwarmers (with David Spade, Rob Schneider, and Napoleon Dynamite [I would write his real name, but no one would have any idea who I’m talking about]), and it was without a doubt the dumbest movie I’ve ever seen. The plot was horrible (not to mention more tired than an octogenarian after 4pm), the actors were annoying*, and the cliched bullies were uninspired to say the least.

That being said, I laughed my ass off at the movie. There were so many one-liners, bad jokes, and other physical comedy that I couldn’t help but enjoy watching The Benchwarmers. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll never watch it again, I’m just saying that I don’t think that the last two hours of my life were a complete waste.

*I have to admit that I hate David Spade. He grates on me in ways that I can’t even begin to explain, starting with his voice, following through with his style of humor, and ending any time he has a mustache. I’m not a fan. I’m not a fan of Napoleon Dynamite either, the movie or the actor. Maybe it’s because I grew up in Idaho, and the movie hit a little too close to home. Whatever. Although I will say that this is the first movie I’ve seen with Rob Schneider where I’ve actually enjoyed his role.