Sebbylite

I’m pretty sure that this one has been making the rounds already, but if you haven’t read it yet it’s a pretty funny blog: Hyperbole and a Half.

Because those French are still wacky (ps-I like Tinkerbell): Disney Princesses.

Strangely, I seem to fall in the “Very Trustworthy”, “Neutral”, “Unsavory”, and “Threatening” categories, depending on when I’ve shaved last: Hey, at least I’m not Sidney Crosby.

I will sell you the Internet, for $5: $5 finds.

What we need now is BIGGER FONTS, obviously:The Big Caption.

-woke up late
-fell asleep during a conference call
-but didn’t get caught
-had an apple with peanut butter
-went to 7-11, but didn’t get a slurpee
-did enough work to make it seem like I accomplished something
-had lunch
-took a nap in my car
-chatted with some friends online
-again, didn’t get caught
-got stuck in traffic
-went to the dog park
-bought a grill
-made dinner
-ate too much
-watched a couple episodes of Big Bang Theory
-went to sleep

Today was: Meh

I had a semi-conversation with a co-worker the other day about death. And by semi-conversation, I mean this:

Co-worker: The ninja report* is going to be the death of me yet.
Me: Really? I’m pretty sure road rage is going to be what gets me.

Admittedly my comment was completely off the cuff. But as I thought about it more, I realized that it was as close to a prediction as I could make about myself. I’m in pretty good shape, I don’t smoke, I exercise a lot, I eat ok (and plan on doing that better), I’m happy most of the time, etc, etc, etc, and there is no clear health hazard in my life. But then I thought I could do better, so I’ve come up with the Top 3 Ways That I’m Likely To Die:

1) Exposure-this is a fancy way of saying starving/freezing/eaten by a bear/trampled by a moose. Basically, I like to hike, and as soon as I finish with this whole ultimate frisbee thing, I’m going to start going camping or backpacking again. And I’m sure that silly little things like not having someone to go with won’t stop me from going by myself.

2) Road Rage-don’t get me wrong, I’m a great driver. I haven’t been in an accident since I was 15 and had only been driving for 2 months. But sooner or later I’m going to get angry at someone’s terrible driving and flip off the wrong person, and that person is going to try to run me off the road. Or stop next to me at a stoplight and pull out a gun. Or follow me home and then wire a bomb to my car’s brake lines.

3) Jealous Husband-HA! April Fool’s!

3) Cancer-just because there is no telling when or why someone might get cancer, I have to throw this out here. Plus I needed to link to this.

Other front-runners include: liver disease, lung cancer from second-hand smoke (thanks, M), rabid dog, or murder-suicide (not me, but my wife-I tend to attract crazy women).

And that’s all.

*”Ninja report” is a reference to How I Met Your Mother. Marshall is telling a story about some complicated legal brief he is working on when Ted stops him and says that they are already lost. So the suggestion is that Marshall just call it the Ninja Report and then it will be an interesting story again. Also, I’m not going to divulge work secrets on my blog.

Happiest people by state.

I wonder if there is a “happiest people by country” ranking out there. Well, I’m sure there is, I just need to find it.

• I daresay shes upset because she couldn’t go out in the carriage with the others
• But in private youre cruel and unfair
• before he could drag me out
• like a drilling machine in pants

On the bright side, the spam is getting more and more interesting…

-jQuery
-CSS2/3
-C#/C++

On the bright side, I am getting paid to learn all this stuff. Which is nice.

1) if you give me any more of that Alpo crap, I’m going to rub my harbl all over your toothbrush.
2) yes Timmy, you would get more action without that bowl cut.
3) you do realize that I’m not actually a girl dog, right?
4) hey! My water bowl is empty and the toilet is full of that blue gunk, a little help here?!?
5) bark! Bark bark! Bark! Growl!
6) seriously, grandpa did fall down the well again.
7) I’m just saying, if the ranger tells you that there is a mad cougar on the loose, and you go out looking for him, you’re on your own.

Yes, I have had plenty of time lately (due to the whole surgery thing, and not being at work), but I haven’t used that time to blog more. Why? Well, I could blame the painkillers, and I could blame the fact that my crotchal area hurts, but instead I’ll just say that I’ve been watching too many movies and TV to actually write stuff.

But, on the bright side, I do have quite a few links that I need to share because they are pretty awesome. So here they are, in no particular order:

• Hummer drivers are stupid.
• No more mail on Tuesdays.
• I want to live in Bulgaria.
• “Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem”!
• Pretty cool user interface study.
• Parking: Fail.
• Lastly, a word to myself.

So that’s that. I hope you have enjoyed the fruits of my boredom over the last few days.

I’ve never been a fan of New Year’s Resolutions (honestly, how can you improve upon perfection?), and only partly because I don’t feel like change is necessary just for change’s sake. While I agree that it is a good idea to take stock of yourself and how you are living your life, and then making the necessary changes for a better physical/mental/emotional life, why does it only happen once a year? Why wouldn’t it be a regular checkup, just like you do for your car? Every 3 months or 3000 miles, get an oil change and update your goals list to make sure that you remain on track and motivated. That sounds much better to me.

And that is also the reason that I like this site’s idea. Basically, instead of a New Year’s Resolution, you create an honest list of goals that you would like to achieve. And the list spans about 2 3/4 years, so you can add in goals that will take a little time to come to pass. Then every few months, you can update your list and see where you stand.

Probably the biggest issue for me is coming up with 101 goals that I actually want to accomplish. I know that they are out there, but coming up with them all at once is a little beyond me. Plus I feel like if you saddle yourself with a number (hmmm, “saddle yourself”…there’s something else I can add to the list), you’ll end up adding crap goals that are either too easy (wake up for work tomorrow morning), or so ambitious that you won’t be able to accomplish it even in the timespan (become President of the United States). So I’ll start simple, with this partial list:

1. Go back to Mars (Best. Tournament. Ever.)
2. Pay off credit card debt
3. Get new computer/laptop
4. Find a hotel and rent a room by the hour
5. 15 hikes in the Cascades/Olympics (2 done already)
6. Start yoga
7. Start writing letters to Ty again
8. Stay clean shaven for a month or more (started 1/20/08, finished 2/20/08)
9. Frame my duck
10. Go to more drive-in movies
11. Redesign and get my tattoo redone
12. Go see a live play, somewhere nice
13. See an opera
14. Defragment my laptop(did 2-3 times, computer is still slow)
15. Update my “States Visited” list, and try to finish that
16. No caffeine for 2 weeks
17. No alcohol for 2 months
18. Go to either Teatro Zinzani or Cirque de Soleil
19. Learn how to snowboard
20. Get a job I like and can grow with
21. Fix/tune-up/get a new bike, and ride it more
22. 100 push-ups in under 5 minutes
23. 4:30 mile
24. Get more flexible
25. Visit an art gallery during an art opening
26. Do the tourist things in Seattle that I’ve never done
27. Complete 2 of the things from my idea notebook
28. get 8 hours of sleep or more a night for a month
29. See more Sounders games
30. Take a boxing class/lesson
31. Design, develop, and implement a website for myself
32. Learn Javascipt/DHTML/AJAX
33. Learn Coldfusion
34. Deal with my crappy Wells Fargo IRA and retirement accounts
35. Take a dance class
36. Organize my music in iTunes
37. Start and finish 2 woodworking projects
38. Get laptop power supply checked out, then run sysclean
39. Clean out garage, and make it usable

As you can see, I’ve got a pretty good list started already, and I’ve even got a start on a couple of them. As for the rest, well, hopefully I’ll be back to update this list with new info every couple of months. And yes, I’ll take pictures to post of the “dance class” I take, because it’s going to be pretty amusing. I already feel sorry for my instructor.

• Bowling.
• Dancing.
• Flirting.
• Giving your boss his/her yearly evaluation.
• Yelling.
• Drinking.
• Texting.
• Most forms of communication.
• Tipping.
• Cow-tipping.

These aren’t the Top 10 keywords/phrases that will get you from a search engine to Sebbylite, but for whatever reason they do lead you here. And this is a list of my favorites:

1. slap that ho/slap my ho/ho slap smack that bitch
2. people with big thumbs/weak wrists
3. strippers zach harvey
4. when i wake up the dog was licking my balls
5. multiple concussions jockeys
6. damn dirty hippies
7. google is a retard
8. leading cause of death among beavers
9. just isn’t your day unzipping
10. big doug seattle

These are all from the Site Tracking service I use, and they will get you to Sebbylite.com. I’m a little curious about some of them, since I have no idea when, where, or how I talked about “Big Doug” in Seattle.

1. It will just end up on the internet anyway.
2. That damn’d chihuahua.
3. Nicky Hilton is hotter —>
4. She’s friends with Britney Spears.
5. Did I mention that millions will know about it and judge you?
6. She’ll sing for you
7. Or worse, make you watch her tv show
8. Socialite Schmocialite.
9. You can’t fix stupid.
10. Wait, Paris doesn’t have sex anymore