Sebbylite

Would you rather have sex with a sheep, or a pig?

• Bowling.
• Dancing.
• Flirting.
• Giving your boss his/her yearly evaluation.
• Yelling.
• Drinking.
• Texting.
• Most forms of communication.
• Tipping.
• Cow-tipping.

1. It will just end up on the internet anyway.
2. That damn’d chihuahua.
3. Nicky Hilton is hotter —>
4. She’s friends with Britney Spears.
5. Did I mention that millions will know about it and judge you?
6. She’ll sing for you
7. Or worse, make you watch her tv show
8. Socialite Schmocialite.
9. You can’t fix stupid.
10. Wait, Paris doesn’t have sex anymore

Thanks to Frankie for the quiz. Although I think that I fared a little better than she did (ps-if you take out the all the HTML junk before the “you scored as…”, it fits a lot better in the blog world).

You scored as Captain Jack Sparrow. Roguish,quick-witted, and incredibly lucky, Jack Sparrow is a pirate who sometimes ends up being a hero, against his better judgement. Captain Jack looks out for #1, but he can be counted on (usually) to do the right thing. He has an incredibly persuasive tongue, a mind that borders on genius or insanity, and an incredible talent for getting into trouble and getting out of it. Maybe its brains, maybe its genius, or maybe its just plain luck. Or maybe a mixture of all three.

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

Two urinals are sitting in a bathroom when one turns to the other, and says:

“Dammit, I’ve had enough! I’m tired of getting pissed on all day long. I’m tired of the dumbasses that can’t hit the broad side of a barn and pee all over my sides. I’m tired of the guys who think they’re ‘all that’, but end up dribbling urine all over the floor because they don’t even reach me. I’m tired of getting wiped down by the janitor every day, and then dirty again within the hour. I’m tired of it. “

The other urinal, after listening to this rant:

“Holy shit! A talking urinal!”

I can hear your collective groan from here…

While patrolling a barren stretch of highway, a state trooper was surprised to find a nekid young man tied to a tree. Pulling over, the trooper asked the youth to tell him what happened.

“Well,” he said. “I picked up this hitchhiker, and as soon as he got in he pulled a gun and took my car, wallet and clothes. Then, he did this to me.”

Unzipping his fly, the trooper chuckled, “Son, this just isn’t your day.”

There’s a hippy and a super genius sitting on a bench waiting for a bus.

The genius gets bored, leans over to the hippy and says, “Hey I’ll tell you what. I’ll ask you a question and if you don’t know the answer you have to give me five bucks. If you ask me a question and I don’t know the answer, I have to give you fifty bucks.”

The hippy says, “All right, man.”

The genius asks the hippy, “What is the Pythagorean Theorem?”

The hippy replies, “I don’t know,” and hands the genius five bucks.

“Okay,” the hippy says, “What has three legs going up a hill and four legs going down?”

The genius thinks real hard and finally gives up. He hands the hippy fifty bucks and then asks, “So what is the answer?”

The hippy says, “I don’t know,” and hands the genius five bucks.

Q: Why did DC get all the politicians, and Seattle get all the hippies?

A: DC got first pick.

Q: What’s the difference between a run-over squirrell and a run-over hippy?

A: The squirrell has brake marks in front of it.

Q: What is the difference between a hippy and an onion?

A: No one cries when you cut a hippy.

Tee hee hee.

Top 10 Punchlines to Dirty Scottish Jokes

• 10. It took me a fortnight to get out all the thistles
• 9. I didn’t know you could also get wool from them!
• 8. It’s not a bagpipe, but don’t stop playing
• 7. What made you think I was talking about golf?
• 6. I’ve heard of comin’ through the rye – but this is ridiculous!
• 5. Of course she’s served millions – she’s a McDonald
• 4. Oh, so *you’re* Wade Boggs
• 3. Care to shake hands with the Loch Ness monster?
• 2. Who’s burning argyles?
• 1. She’s in the distillery making Johnnie Walker Red

I wish that I could take credit for that one, but I got it here. Enjoy.