Sebbylite

Here’s the top 10 signs that you are a fundamentalist Christian:

10 – You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 – You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 – You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 – Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including women, children, and trees!

6 – You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 – You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 – You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs — though excluding those in all rival sects – will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”

3 – While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” may be all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.

2 – You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 – You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history – but still call yourself a Christian.

I really wish that I could take credit for that myself, but it is a best of craigslist posting from Phoenix. I guess they really like their religion down in Phoenix…

I’ve been looking to upgrade my current position, since my job sucks great big donkey balls. And not the good ones either, the nasty STD infected-Tijuana Donkey show wrinkled-manged-bowling ball sized donkey balls.

Anywho, I read this ad on Craigslist and I thought that it sounded pretty sweet. Here’s the ad:

Web developers needed. Experienced or entry level; we have room for everyone! This is an in house position. Show up everyday on time and do exactly what you say you can do and you will be in tech paradise! We are a down to earth family; no stuffy corporate environment here, although, when it comes to our product we are strictly professional. Know PHP, HTML, FTP, flash, and basic networking and you have a stable future here. Rapid advancement and application oppertunities for entry level inquiries!

And then they left a phone number. I gave the guy a call about 10 days ago, and talked to him for about five minutes. I let him know that my experience level isn’t that high, but I am a hard worker, and quick to pick up new things (you know, all the little lies you tell to get a job). He said that he would call me a back the next day after the initial rush of job seekers was through, and then probably offer me a job since he liked what he heard about me (ps-at this point, I hadn’t sent him a resume, or a link to my portfolio, or any of those other “normal” job application type things).

The next day he calls back, and this is where it gets interesting. He had asked if I was working anywhere currently, and I told him that I was and just needed 1-2 weeks to give notice and quit my current job (which I was/am more than willing to do), to which he replied that this gives testimony to what kind of person and worker I am. Of course, then he goes on to say that he’ll probably need me to start work the next day. He used phrases like “ditch those guys and come work for us”, “ground floor opportunity here”, etc, etc. I basically said that I couldn’t just quit, and would need to at least talk to my boss and figure out when I’d be able to walk out, be it two weeks or possibly less. He didn’t seem to like this that much, and mentioned that “he would take care of me” if I quit my job, and I didn’t need to worry about not having a paying position. I told him that I would talk to my boss, and call him back later that night.

Now, at this point in time, I’m thinking scam. I’ve never met the guy, emailed the guy, seen where he works, seen his website (he did send me a link to his site, but it wasn’t live. it had quite a few typos and code errors and such, and didn’t look completely professional), and he hasn’t seen my resume, talked to any references, met me in person to see if we are compatible at all, and the list goes on.

Irregardless, I thought about it a lot, and then called him back to say that I couldn’t quit my job without at least a week and a half notice. Because although I do hate my job, I wouldn’t want to dick over the people I work with by leaving them high and dry. He didn’t answer, so I left a message saying that I’d love to meet with him sometime and set up some sort of two weeks time period to start working, blah blah blah. I never really expected to hear from him again, because he insinuated that if I wasn’t ready to start working immediately, he’d hire someone else.

But then I got another call at work today. Yep, it was Schmegman (names changed to protect the dumb) again. He asked if I was ready to dump the warehouse thing and start working for him. He was a little insistent, and wanted me to leave and start working with them tomorrow. I let him know that things hadn’t changed, and that I still needed to give two weeks notice if he wanted me to start working for him (thinking that if he had just told me originally to do that, I would be working for him come Monday and this conversation wouldn’t need to take place), and that I couldn’t do anything less than that because the people that I work for have been pretty good to me. From the background, I hear his partner say “Ask him if he knows the difference between a blue collar job and a white collar job.”

Truth to tell, I probably should have just hung up on him. I was trying all I could to set up an interview with him/them (you know, standard operating procedures for hiring new employees?) because I was pretty sketched out about the whole situation, and he’s basically talking down to me like I’m some sort of peon who he wants to join his gang (no way man, the Sharks are so much cooler than the Cougars. You should be with us). Finally, I just told him that I couldn’t do it, to which he gave a long “I’m trying to do you a favor by sticking my fist up your ass but telling you that I’m really curing cancer, and don’t worry about this strap on here either because I just carry it around for a conversation starter” sigh, and said that he would just have to hire someone else.

Well, good luck with that.

I received this comment in my “awaiting in moderation” comment queu the other day, and it just made me laugh:

I found your work a little stiff, you need to involve your acute artistic sensibilities, that you indeed have, and, your photos reflects, the dicipline of composicion, an important tool that will make you master of your skills. rosa maria

I don’t know about you, but I personally have never met a Rosa Maria. Considering that, the real question I have is: how the Hell does she know me so well?!?

I just wish that I could use my tool to make me a master of my skills…