Sebbylite

Your Quirk Factor: 74%

You’re so quirky, it’s hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal. No doubt about it, there’s little about you that’s “normal” or “average.”

Wow, looks like I’m in the lead so far. Pooh, Frankie, you ain’t got nothin’ on me!

Well, Pooh you are pretty close, so I guess we can call it a wash. Maybe a rematch for the all time Flutterguts championships at Alumni Game?

“I just came back from the doctor and he told me that I only have 48 hours to live. I have been diagnosed with a rare-condition that was caused from lead-paint (not contagious). On my short list of things to do, I would like to have one, or two women team up, and give me what every man wants before he passes away..love..in whatever form. I am 48, 6’1 208, need a quick response as I have many things that need to get done before Monday.”

A friend sent me the link to the above personal from Craigslist, and I just had to share it with you.

Honestly, hold up your hand and vote if you think that this guy is really going to die on Monday…ok, no one. Now, hold up your hand if you think that this guy is full of crap, and just wants to have a three-way…, one, two, 80, seven million. And the votes are in, this guy is lying.

But hey, props for the efforts and all.

Another update to the site today, the quick links entitled “Randomness Incarnate” on the sidebar to the right (yeah, the other right, over there —–>).

Basically, instead of having to create a post each and every time I run across something mildly interesting to me (which more than likely means not interesting at all to you out there in blogland, but whatever), I can just add a link and a mini description in the sidebar. Thus, I can leave the main portion of Sebbylite to my more encapsulating treatises on the world. And caption contests. And RD stories. And bitching about how people drive in Seattle. Ad nauseam.

By the by, I highly recommend the article about Bush’s presidency. It is an amusing read, to say the least.

Two urinals are sitting in a bathroom when one turns to the other, and says:

“Dammit, I’ve had enough! I’m tired of getting pissed on all day long. I’m tired of the dumbasses that can’t hit the broad side of a barn and pee all over my sides. I’m tired of the guys who think they’re ‘all that’, but end up dribbling urine all over the floor because they don’t even reach me. I’m tired of getting wiped down by the janitor every day, and then dirty again within the hour. I’m tired of it. “

The other urinal, after listening to this rant:

“Holy shit! A talking urinal!”

I can hear your collective groan from here…

Ok, so the reasoning behind the madness is this one word: widgets.

I changed the theme of Sebbylite because I wanted to include Widgets in the sidebar (widgets are basically AJAX plugins, for the rest of the semi-nerdly out there, and are designed to do anything from tell the time and weather to changing the AdSense headings to feeding my dog. Maybe not that last one, but I think they are working on it in the labs…), and this was the first widget friendly theme I found that I liked. Hence, the new theme.

Of course I haven’t actually added any of the widgets yet, but that will be coming shortly. Or “soon”, for all you heightly deprived people out there in Blogland that resent the reference.

Other things going on:

Where’s the Caption Contest?

Originally I had assumed that Sundays were a good day to do the caption contest because I seemed to have a lot of free time, and was consistently blogging every Sunday. So I decided that was the day to do it. Then, it became Spring, and the weather started getting nicer. Now, on Sundays, I’m usually outside in my yard hanging out with the RD. I could bring my laptop out there, but I haven’t bothered to do that yet. I think that there will be some Caption Contest posts in the future, but it will be more sporadic and random, like me.

How come you haven’t taken any pictures in the past few months?

Well, I’ve taken pictures, I just haven’t posted them yet. I’m sorry, and I’ll get to that, I promise. I wish that I could say that I’ve been hip deep in my girlfriend’s…er, spending “quality time” with the “litttle woman”, but we all know that would be a lie. I’ve just been lazy. So. Bite. Me.

How come your blog sucks?

You suck. You’re the one with the thick candy shell.

That is about all I’ve got right now. That isn’t true, I should probably tell you this story about the RD:

My upstairs neighbor has a 4 1/2 pound long-haired chihuahua, of which 2 pounds is probably cock. I’m not kidding, this dog walks around on five legs, a fact which my neighbor is very proud to point out, since everything else about the dog is so damn pansy. Anyway, this dog likes to attack my dog. Yeah. 4 1/2 pound Chihuahua. 85 pound Rottweiler. Guess who wins?

Well, I probably wouldn’t be telling this story if the Rottweiler came out on top, because what is the fun in that? That’s right, my dog is scared to death of the satan-spawned half-rat. And the worst part is that every time the Chihuahua starts barking, the RD tries to get in my lap to hide. Even when I’m standing.

How did I figure this out? As fate would have it, I left town a few weekends ago, and this was the neighbor that agreed to take in the RD for the weekend. My dog never made it further than 5 feet into her apartment, because that is as far as the Chihuahua would let him go. The whole first night he cowered by the front door on his little dog bed. Finally, the next day my neighbor took him to another neighbors place for the second day and night. I sometimes have a feeling that my dog was the cowardly lion in a previous life, because that is sure as hell what he acts like now.

I’m sure that if you have ever read Sebbylite before, you’ve noticed that I’ve been making some changes lately. And by lately, I mean last night. And by changes, I mean I totally changed the theme of this blog.

Ok, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, I can continue…er, that was actually all I had to say.

Basically, I’m re-organizing, re-thinking, re-planning, and re-everythinging this blog, just to see where it goes. Don’t worry, I’ll still be me. I’ll still tell you stories about my RD (retard dog, for all you newbies), I’ll still bitch and moan about all the people that can’t drive in Seattle, and I’ll still bring you interesting internet news, stories and videos every now and again. But for now, I have to go to work.

More later…

Wow. And I do mean wow.

The evening started at 5:30, when we got picked up at a Park N Ride by a luxury bus. This bus had three flat panel tv’s with digital cable, two coolers full of beer (which wasn’t nearly enough, but we stopped to refill them), leather couches all around, a table, and a kitchen full of munchies. We piled on the whole crew (about 25 people in all), and started the festivities right away. By festitivies, of course, I mean drunkeness.

Two hours later we pull into the Skagit Valley Casino, with our bankroll of $100 and whatever we personally decide to spend. I, of course, decide to spend nothing, so I’m hoping to hit a streak of luck at my first gambling experience. It turns out that they only have two craps tables, and one of them they won’t open for 45 minutes after we are planning to leave. Luckily, I manage to sneak into a spot next to the one guy that actually knows how to gamble, and has been teaching everyone how to play craps over our lunch hours. Unluckily, the table is ice cold, and 45 minutes later I’m down to my last $15.

But, it’s time to get back on the bus, and then we are heading to the Tulalip casino a little closer to Seattle, and which is also quite a bit bigger. And once on the bus, the drinks start flowing again. Let me tell you, I haven’t seen so much man on man action since the outtakes of Brokeback Mount’n (my theory is: man on man is funny and everyone will laugh. Man on woman is sexual harrassment and very uncomfortable at a work function). But we finally settle down (we ran out of beer again), and then hit the Tulalip casino.

The Tulalip is a lot bigger than the first casino that we hit, and they had four craps tables rolling pretty strong. Since they were pretty busy, we sat around and shot the shit (aka, sobered up enough to gamble) for a while until a spot opened up. Again, I ended up next to the guy that knew what he was doing, and this time we hit a warm table. I say warm, because with my original $15 (and the $60 I got from the ATM even though I promised myself I wouldn’t), I ended up about $300 ahead.

Not bad for my first time.

Plus all the free alcohol, the uncomfortable silences at work after the pictures from the evening were sent out, etc, etc.

And to cap it all off, the bus driver stopped at Dick’s on the way back to our cars. If you aren’t from Seattle, you wouldn’t understand. But if you are, you know exaclty how nice this was of the driver.

It should be an interesting night tonight. The company I work for is taking us out gambling.

Yeah, you heard me right, they are taking us out gambling. And they are bankrolling each of us $100. I guess you could say that this is our bonus for working our asses off lately (ignore all posts previous to this where I talk about napping at work, or going home for lunch, or skipping, or anything else that may make it sound like I wasn’t working hard, end of message), but I think that it is more a way for the Lords of War to let off some steam in an appropriate manner.

I’ve got a pretty good getup for my first soiree into the casino world. Surprisingly, I’ve never been to a casino to gamble before now, even though I’ve spent quite a bit of time in Vegas (all before 18), and even some time in Tijuana. Regardless, I’m all dressed up and ready to go.

I’ll let you in on the details (and try to get a good party picture or two) tomorrow, if I live through the night.

ps-I went out with some co-workers last night as well, and I have to relate this little conversation I had with one of them. We’re looking at this guy that had some spacers in his ears that were big enough to fit silver dollars through. Then this conversation happened:

Co-worker: “Have you ever had your ears pierced?”
Me: “Nope, never wanted to do that.”
Co-worker (leaning in and with emphasis): “Have you ever had your cock pierced?!?”
Me (thinking): “What the eff?”

I’m not too sure about that guy…

I admit, I miss being unemployed.

Not that I am going to choose to go that route again anytime soon (Damn you Visa! Damn you American Express!), but I still wish that I could.

For instance, since I called in “Tactilely Defficient” today (sorry boss, I really don’t feel like going to work), I’ve gotten more done in my personal life than I have in the past two weeks combined. The boring stuff (dishes, laundry, cleaning dog hair out of the shower after his bath last weekend, etc) got taken care of quickly, and the non-boring stuff is well in the works (blogging, catching up on other’s blogs, sitting in the sun with my dog and “thinking” [ie, naptime], etc). It is truly unfortunate that no one will pay me to do stuff that I want to do, because damn I do it well.

On a side note, I think that I need to have more bartering in my life. I have no money, so I can’t buy stuff. But I have a bunch of stuff that I don’t use, and I can do other things for people (work for them you sick bastards, not “other” in the sense that they can and will have intimate knowledge of my bodily fluids in such a way that they come up with pet names for them ["Oh look, it's Stevie the Sperm"]). And all in all, barter works for more people than money. If someone doesn’t want what I have, then we don’t do business. But if they do, then we can make some sort of deal. It’s. That. Simple.

So, if you need someone to post to your blog, create a blog, update the usability of your website, find things on the internet, tell you about good new music, mow your lawn, walk your dog, trim your hair, or any other sort of thing like that, come talk to me and give me a list of stuff that you can do/are willing to do. Let’s make a deal.

..which means I called my boss and said: “Hey, I’m afraid that I’m not going to make it in today!”

Tomorrow I may call in blind (“I really don’t see myself coming to work today.”)

Why the sudden outpouring of hate towards the job, you ask? Multiple reasons.

• One, they treat me like an idiot. Granted, at times I am an idiot, but not usually at work (I said “not usually” ass-fart, so get your panties back out of your crack and settle down). I try and save my idiocy for the weekends, and alone time. Regardless, I don’t appreciate being told how to do the same stuff day in and day out, and given detailed explanations about how to pick orders and make deliveries when I’ve been doing it for months (and it took all of two days to learn how to do it the first time).
• Two, the job has no potential for growth. There is nowhere for me to go from where I currently am in this company. I can wait through the years and make my 5% raise, and that is about it. Crock. of. shit.
• Three, I used to be ok with working in a job just as a job, a paycheck. Now I’m not so much. If I spend 40+ hours a week doing something, I damn sure want to like doing it! And I don’t like being in a warehouse.
• Four, last weekend I hung out with a bunch of my classmates from college (for the record, that is also why there was no Caption Contest last Sunday-I was out of town. My bad, and I promise I’ll make up for it). I got caught up with all that they have been doing with their lives since college 6-8 years ago, and truth to tell it was a lot more than I’ve been doing. I’m not jealous, I’m just frustrated. And poor (I admit, that definitely has something to do with it).

I don’t really have any options for another job, or a real solid idea of what I want to be doing in life, but I know that this is not it (ie, did I shave my legs for this?!?). I’m interested in web design, but I don’t have a very artistic approach. I like web development, but I don’t know enough to actually work a job. I like blogging, but my writing is boring. I like the internet, and I can find most anything that people would want to see, but those “research” jobs are rare and even more highly contested than scientific positions in Seattle.

So, what to do?

Crack down on the books, start using the credit cards, and go back to school. I’ll keep you updated.