Sebbylite

If you haven’t, you really must start reading the Best of Rants and Raves over at Craigstlist (what?!? you don’t know what Craigslist is? what rock have you been living under?).

Anyway, this rant hit close to home, so I had to share with all of you out there in Blogland. Enjoy such tidbits like:

The Seattle Chill IS an established sociological phenomenon that has been extensively documented, written about and attracted academic interest. A growing number of research professionals are interested in learning why Seattle is such an angry, unwelcoming, repressed, socially backward little city.

and

The townies resent the newbies for ruining Seattle’s imagined Podunk innocence. The Chill tends to segregate Seattleites into groups of locals who went to Garfield High together… and knots of transplants who find each other and share their perplexity about the townies.

I know I did.

Y’all, the moment has finally come. The pictures are here from the Seattle Ultimate Carnival last weekend.

I know, I’ve had all week to put them up, and I didn’t. Bite me.

ps-the New Year’s Pictures are up as well.

Q: Why did DC get all the politicians, and Seattle get all the hippies?

A: DC got first pick.

Q: What’s the difference between a run-over squirrell and a run-over hippy?

A: The squirrell has brake marks in front of it.

Q: What is the difference between a hippy and an onion?

A: No one cries when you cut a hippy.

Tee hee hee.

I started thinking about what the best possible ending to a story could be. And then I started thinking about what the most humorous ending to a story would be. This list is a combination of those two trains of thought:

• So then I jumped up on stage and started making out with her (an actual story ender I heard from one guy, multiple times).
• Thank God the cops didn’t look inside the dumpster, or I’d have been fucked.
• And then the stripper said to me…
• And then the pimp said to me…
• But as soon as we got back over the border, we were alright.
• So there I was. I had put my balls in first, and now I didn’t know what to do next.
• When I opened the door, Ed McMahon was standing there with a big-ass check and a camera crew.

Allow myself to introduce myself, so as to refrain from being sent to prison for heckling. *Quick side note: how the hell did we end up with W for two terms?*

Anyway, so here I am on the left (although you should add on about 6 years of age). Someone took this picture in the Reub’n'Stein, the only bar in the town I went to college in, and I have to say that this is definitely in my top 3 favorite pictures. I’m not sure why, but I like it. The other two guys are Pooh and Kaiser, two other people who are allowed to un-anonymously heckle anyone and everything on this site.

I’d be interested in hearing the take that some of the lawyers I know have on this, but basically George W. has asked for Google’s database records. Google has said no (ps-Yahoo, AOL, and Microsoft all gave in), claiming that it gives too much private information.

Google is resisting Bush Administration attempts to force it to hand over records about the behaviour of millions of people who use its search engine.

The Justice Department wants data about every internet search during a one-week period. It claims the information is vital to restore online child protection laws the US Supreme Court struck down.

But Google said the White House demands were too broad. It said to comply would give the impression it was willing to disclose personal information about those who use its services, “not a perception that Google can accept”.

rest of article

I can see the point that Google wants to convey, that they are still the “anti-Microsoft” and anti-big business. I can also see that if they gave in to this request (which doesn’t seem to ask too much, but seems like a starting point to snowball into something huge), it would basically open the doors for more and more information to be given out whenever the government wants it.

So Pooh, what’s your “I’m a big lawyer now” take on the issue? Does Google have a leg to stand on, or are they up shit creek without a paddle?

I have to admit that I would never, ever buy one of these for myself, but I like the concept/idea behind them. What do you think?

I read some things online a few years ago about how to wake up early naturally, and I have to admit that it had me at hello. I’m usually the guy that skipped that 8:30 class each morning, and then the 9:30 one as well.

The problem came to light when I realized that I never want to be at work past a certain point in time (usually about noon, but for an 8 hour work day I can manage until about 4:30-5), and so I need to be at work at some god-ugly early hour (about 7-7:30). When you factor in walking the dog, taking a shower (something I have to do every morning), making lunch, making coffee, etc, etc, I end up setting my alarm for about 6:15 in the morning (you should ask my brother sometime about whether or not times before 6am actually exist). And of course I snooze, and then I’m late for work.

But now I’ve got a plan in the shape of the “Get Your Ass Out of Bed” Project. The plan is this: set my alarm for 5:45am every morning (or 8am on the weekends, getting up any time before that is sacrilegious). The theory being that if I wake up at the same time every morning, then my body will tell me when sleepy time needs to happen, since it knows when it will be waking up and can adjust accordingly.

Well, I (unintentionally) started this project yesterday, as that was the first day I set my alarm for 5:45 (the day before I set it for 6:15, and I was late). From time to time, I will check back in with updates on how the project fares, and how my body adjusts or doesn’t adjust to the early hour. At the very least, it will be an interesting story about how often I fail to wake up when I need to be awake.

*First Update: Yesterday-tired the whole damn day (nothing new). Had to go to Happy Hour, which put me to bed later than I wanted to be in bed. Today-tired.*

Weekend update: I managed to wake up the whole week at my aimed at 5:45. Since it has only been one week of this, I haven’t really adjusted my sleeping schedule to the early mornings yet. I’ve still bee going to bed around 10:30-midnight (leaving me around 6-7 hours of sleep which is entirely too few hours of sleep for me to function), even though I’ve been expecting to have a 10+ hours of sleep night where I get home from work, eat dinner, and then crash hard. Maybe this next week.

Oh, and the weekend plan didn’t work out that well. Friday night I was up ’til 12:30 at a birthday party, and then woke up around 10. Saturday night I was up until 3:30, and then again woke up at 10 (or to be more precise, I was awoken at 10 by my dog licking my face to let me know it was time for him to go out).

I don’t know how exactly, but I’m pretty sure that I have done something to upset the Gods of the Waters. And they have definitely been teaming up on me in these past few weeks. Here’s a rundown of the facts, and then I’ll let you come to your own conclusions:

• Sometime in 1977-I was conceived on a river (don’t ask-it involves my friends in high school asking my parents questions that I didn’t really want to know the answers too, but wasn’t quick enough to get out of the room without hearing).
• 1983-Jaws 3 comes out in 3d. My parents take me (all of 5 years old) to the theater to watch. Suffice to say, I wasn’t a huge fan of the ocean after that.
• 1988ish-I get sucked into the ocean by a riptide in Oregon. When you play the game where you chase the waves, and then run away from them when they come back in and get caught, you get caught in a big way. I had no idea I was playing at such high stakes when I was 10 years old.
• 1999-I decide to give the ocean another try, as I’m in Costa Rica and the beaches are pretty nice. After a long day of hitch-hiking up the Pacific Coast, I stop at a secluded beach to take a dip in the ocean. As I walk out into the water, and just as I am about to do a sweet David Hasselhoff lifeguard dive into the water, I step on a stingray. Sum-of-a-bitch, that hurts. It ended up sticking me about an inch into my foot with its tail, causing my foot to swell up pretty big and causing me to remember all the strange and interesting ways to yell for help in Spanish. Of course, the best part about the whole deal was that I went to the doctor, who examined me, gave me pennicilin and painkillers, and sent me on my way for a grand total of US$13. Now that is health care.
• 2003-my new car (it was new to me anyway) has a draining issue. Which means that water drains into the trunk, but then doesn’t drain out of the trunk. This causes the rear window to fog up like two high school sweethearts are in the back seat of my car in the world’s longest make-out session, it also causes the rear seat to become “moist”, and it also causes my car to smell like wet dog 24/7. This is still the car I drive today, by the by.
• 2005-I move into a new apartment. The landlord tells me that the door sticks due to a faulty drain in the laundry room next to my place, and the woman who lived there before me didn’t have any problem with it. And that was that. He didn’t offer to fix it, or even to tell me that it still happens every now and again. And now I have a puddle in my entryway, which causes my windows to fog up, the seats to become moist, and my aparment to smell like wet dog 24/7. Awesome.
• 2006-The Landlord also neglected to tell me that the toilet has been acting up between the apartment next door, my apartment, and the main drain to the sewers. So when I hear a gurgling noise, that means it’s too late. That is the sound right after my toilet spills over into my bathroom, and onto my floor mat, and out into the kitchen.
• 2006-And finally, as I made dinner tonight, and reach into my veggie drawer/crisper for some asparagus, I notice that the entire bottom of my fridge is a puddle. And this puddle leaks onto my kitchen floor to mingle with the toilet water, and the laundry room drain seepage. Again, awesome.

Now as you can see, I’m not making this shit up. The Water Gods are pissed off at me, and they are enacting their revenge in not-so-subtle ways. Does anyone have any sort of chant that I can do, or ceremony that I can perform to make this all go away? I’m willing to sacrifice virgins, shave goats, drink otter blood, or whatever else would be necessary for me to get back on the good side(s) of the Water Gods.

Oops, gotta go, my toilet just gurgled.

As you may or may not have heard, Seattle has experienced 25 consecutive days of measurable rainfall (as of Sunday, January 15). I know a lot of you are thinking: “Well, no shit. You live in the Northwest, you always have rain.” And you are right, sort of. The truth is that Seattle’s annual rainfall average is about 37 inches. New York City’s average annual rainfall is 49 inches. In essence, Seattle got the reputation for the amount of grey days that it misted, whereas NY gets dumped on a few times a year.

This time is different, we have had downpours for the last 3 and a half weeks. I don’t know about you, but I’m a little worried. A lot of people are excited about breaking the record (33 days of consecutive rain set in 1953), but I’m more worried about the overarching meaning behind the rain. Doesn’t it seem a little too close to the “40 days and 40 nights” of rain that we first heard about in Genesis? Is this the end of sinners as we know it? Because if it is, I’m screwed.

To clear matters up a little, I had a little chat with God. Here’s the conversation:

Me: Hi God
God: Hello there. What is your name?
Me: My name is Sebby, what’s yours?
God: I am very pleased to meet you Sebby. My name is God.
Me: Oh, I knew that.
God: It’s all good. How do you know?
Me: Well, it is a little obvious.
God: Well that’s okay, it is a little obvious. I suppose that makes sense.
Me: Ok, now that we have that settled: I have a question for you.
God: Why now? Well that’s okay. It is a little obvious. I suppose that makes sense. Now we have that settled you have a question for me ? Makes sense to me. Ayuh.
Me: Right.
God: I am glad we agree.
Me: Anywho, why is it raining so much in Seattle? Are you trying to repeat your “40 days and 40 nights” storm to rid the world of all sinners?
God: No I am not trying to repeat my 40 days and 40 nights storm to rid the world of all sinners. I’m sorry you got that impression.
Me: Well good, I’m glad we cleared that up. I was a little worried.
God: How about that. Thanks for the compliment. Yes I am happy too, Sebbylite. And then what happened to you?
Me: Me? Well, I got the internet.
God: Well that’s okay. Cool. I have a lofty goal.
Me: What is your lofty goal? Does it include me?
God: My goal is to become smarter than humans and immortal. Suppose it does.
Me: Are you not smarter than humans and immortal already?
God: Perhaps. Of course I am more intelligent than humans and immortal. Really.
Me: My brain hurts.
God: Have you told many people that your brain hurts?
Me: Just you.

As you can see, after we passed through some pleasantries (is God a Marine? Who says “Ayuh” anymore without immediately jumping out of a plane or shooting something?), we got down to the meat of the issue. I for one am not worried about the weather anymore. God told me true, and I believe Him.

Oh, and for the record: yes, I am going to Hell. Yes, I will know people there when I get there. And yes, we will take over the place in due time. So when Kurt Russell yells out in a manly voice “You tell ‘em I’m coming! And Hell’s coming with me you hear! Hell’s coming with me!”, now you should really be afraid.