Sebbylite

Top 10 Punchlines to Dirty Scottish Jokes

• 10. It took me a fortnight to get out all the thistles
• 9. I didn’t know you could also get wool from them!
• 8. It’s not a bagpipe, but don’t stop playing
• 7. What made you think I was talking about golf?
• 6. I’ve heard of comin’ through the rye – but this is ridiculous!
• 5. Of course she’s served millions – she’s a McDonald
• 4. Oh, so *you’re* Wade Boggs
• 3. Care to shake hands with the Loch Ness monster?
• 2. Who’s burning argyles?
• 1. She’s in the distillery making Johnnie Walker Red

I wish that I could take credit for that one, but I got it here. Enjoy.

Where are My Nuts?

Make sure that you turn on your sound (unless you are at work), and enjoy the variety of things that the squirrel says. Then make your own, and send a link back to your message.

Y’all,

First off, I’m sorry. I haven’t stopped blogging, I’ve just stopped blogging on this site. But, since going into extended and boring detail about why I haven’t been blogging and sharing my every waking moment with you (“you” being people that I’ve never met and/or seen before in my life, and probably never will) is a major blogging faux pas, so I’m not going to do it. I’m not saying that I never commit blogging faux passes, but I’m not going to do it this time.

But I will say this, I have a new blog. The blog is pretty much an extension of this one, and is written in the same manner. It will have the same type of links, the same type of criticisms (I like to call them “Letters to the Editors”), and the same type of humor. Only it’s my own blog, and I don’t have to have the .blogspot address.

Anyway, check it out at Sebbylite. More than likely, this will be the last post on this site, so if you want to see any new content, you will have to go there.

Thanks for the run.

According to a recent NY Times article, everyone hates California.

The article states that massive amounts of people are leaving Califronia due to soaring home prices (although I’m sure that bad neighborhoods, crime, schools, drugs, employment, etc are playing their part as well). The median home price in San Diego is almost $605,000, and when you compare that to a $185,000 home in Gladstone, MO (that stands for Missouri, by the way) with 4 bedrooms, two kitchens, and swimming pool I think that I know what most people will take. Of course, you will have to get used to those little things called “tornado warnings” and something called “wind chill”, but honestly, how bad could those be?

The more that I read through the article, the more I didn’t feel bad for Californians at all. The story starts with this:

“A year ago, Melanie Fischer, a lifelong Californian, was not entirely sure where Missouri was.”

It continues on with blurbs about California’s “sun-drenched coasts” and its “dynamic economy”, and the “culture and excitement and food”. And when you read between the lines, you realize where all those people that drive Lexus’ and BMW’s and other SUV’s in Idaho, Nevada, Arizona, etc are coming from, and why they park in the middle of the road to run inside and get a triple half-caff skim frappaccino with a hint of arrogance. And it isn’t becase they were smarter than the next guy, or that they worked harder and longer hours. It is simply because their parents left them a hous in a nice neighborhood in San Francisco which they sold, and then they moved somewhere cheaper.

In reality, “Everyone Hates California” may be an inadequate summary of the actual article, but it expresses a few of my own sentiments, so eff off.

See the Couchbike. You can also see the couchbike in action here (8.3 MB).

I’m finding it hard to resist making some sort of joke concerning Canadians, Norwegians, the police, and a couch on wheels. Suffice to say that I am not surprised that this happened in Canada (honestly, if it had happened in the US, the couch would have been motorized. Oh wait, that already happened), nor am I surprised that the police never once made them move the couch off the road (how long do you think it would be before the couch was towed in Los Angeles? or before the riders were ticketed for not wearing helmets in Seattle?). I’m just disappointed that a fellow Norwegian was mixed up in all of this. So much for “ancestral pride”.

After a flurry of activity, and a bunch of different posts that I’ve been meaning to get online for a while now, it is time to sit back and actually write for this weblog. Even though it seems like the nature of the posts on this site are just links to humorous videos/jokes/pictures/etc, that won’t always be the case. If I’m bored, or if I can’t find anything that meets my standards for humor (which you will find either extremely high or extremely low, depending on which part of the bell curve I am on when I’m posting), or if I want to, I will post stuff I want to write.

Things like: The Rules of Sebbylite

1: Sebbylite is a dictatorship; what I say goes (unless a higher power steps in and gives me a “talking to” in which case Sebbylite will become an Oligarchy. Why Oligarchy? Because it’s fun to say, now keep reading while I finish my soup)
2: Let’s revisit rule number 1, because I don’t think that you quite understand the nuances of the rule. Soup is good. If you don’t finish your soup while it is still warm, you waste all the inherent properties of the soup, ie the fact that it warms up your innards.
3: There will be no making fun of Race. Everything else is fair game.
4: Strippers are people too.

If you have any problems with the Rules, please take it up with my complaint department.

Squares

There really isn’t anything else to say, other than my high score is 138 squares, and 14,099. Can you beat it? Can you do it without getting caught by your boss?

Something else to check out, before it goes away, is Harvey Danger. They are giving away their new album for free download on their website. I’m not sure how long this will last, so you should definitely jump on the bandwagon while the jumping is good. Because the bandwagon is sweet, these guys rock. The album is A+ in my book.

In preparing to self-release our new album, we thought long and hard about how best to use the internet. Given our unusual history, and a long-held sense that the practice now being demonized by the music biz as “illegal” file sharing can be a friend to the independent musician, we have decided to embrace the indisputable fact of music in the 21st century, put our money where our mouth is, and make our record, Little By Little…, available for download via Bittorrent, and at our website. We’re not streaming, or offering 30-second song samples, or annoying you with digital rights management software; we’re putting up the whole record, for free, forever. Full stop. Please help yourself; if you like it, please share with friends.

I think it’s a great plan. The more people that hear your band, the more people will tell others about your band. It’s a snowball effect (no, not that snowball effect).

If you haven’t seen it yet, you should take a look at the video from OK Go, called A Million Ways. I’m not sure where I first heard it, but I think that the story goes like this:

“Hey, my sister is a choreographer.”
“Awesome. Go away, I’m sleeping.”
“No, we should have her make a dance up for us for a video.”
“Are you high?*”
“Think about it, it will be an awesome video, and it will cost about $15 to make.”
“Ok, I’m in.”

Regardless of how it came to pass, the video is awesome, and the dancing is sweet (especially for untrained dancers-which is a nice way of saying guys who can’t dance). You should definitely check it out.

Also, read this story by the band. I laughed my pants off (wow, I tell bad jokes).

*This probably never happened, and I am in no position to argue about the drug usage of any person, place, or thing.

I recently found the “Garden State” weblog, which is authored by Zach Braff himself. And I have to say that I am disappointed in the human race.

First off, Zach’s posts are alright, even though they do violate a couple different rules of blogging (don’t frigging apologize to people in a post about not posting stuff. Just post stuff!). The thing that really bugs me are the comments. Each time Zach posts, he gets anywhere from 800-3600 comments. What do people say? Do they have anything to say regarding what he just posted? Nope, not really. They just schmooze. The only reason that they post is that this is someone who is famous, and they want their 15 seconds of fame by posting on his site.

Secondly, I’m not trying to slam Zach Braff. I think that he’s an awesome actor, writer, and director. Scrubs is the only show that I watch on TV (and if you took a bastard step-child of JD and the Janitor, you would have me), Garden State was a pretty sweet movie, and I really enjoy all the other work that he has done/is doing.

Check out this Beer Commercial

I have to admit that I’m not a big Heinieken fan (up to and including not being able to spell Heinikin correctly, or even giving a damn enough to look it up), but I may have to try one because of this viral.

I know that one of the guys is a “professional” breakdancer (the guy that looks like Wolverine), but I don’t know who everyone else is in the video. If anyone knows, let me in on the secret. I’d be interested in seeing more of their work. I’d also be interested in knowing what the name of the song is that is playing during the clip. Again, if you know, let me in.

If you want to see more ridiculous breakdancing videos, check these out:
B-Boy Junior aka Buana – plain a simple, he is an absurd specimen of human being.
Another clip with Buana – the funny thing is that Buana ended up taking second or third in this competition. It would be pretty awesome to see more of the guy that ended up first.
And a series of bodybuilders doing “the Robot” here and here.

‘New Snickers Commercial

Honestly, this is one of the funniest commercials I’ve seen. Great stuff, and really makes me want a candy bar…